Honesty Hour

I was sitting back, folding up some laundry and catching up on New Girl when I realized that I needed to get back to blogging. So, here I am, my fingers itching to type something, but I'm not too sure what may come out. I was feeling angsty and a little down in the dumps about life and "being adult" and such, but sometimes a little act of kindness from a perfectly nice stranger makes all the difference. So now I'm here with these fuzzy warm feelings mixed with this feeling of my brain almost reaching an epiphany about life, and now I've come to a complete and confused stop.

I guess I could talk about Thanksgiving and friendships and such. I guess I could whine about how procrastination is the devil and how I'm constantly practicing it (even now...), and I could bitch about how much time I waste doing nothing but sitting at a computer, dreaming about what I could do with my life and my future and the classes I should be attending and how much more effort I should be putting into my work. My problem?

INSPIRATION.

I am not inspired. Nope. Not one bit right now.
I can feel it, right on the tip of my tongue, a shadow standing just behind me, on the verge to washing over me and giving me all of these brilliant ideas and a boost of confidence to go out and seize the day!

But my inspiration glass isn't fully tipped over, so I'm stuck at the bypass.

How do you get out of the inspiration rut? How does one push that glass further when they're just shrugging their shoulders when they think of things they could do?

I realize, now, that I need to work in the moment. I get these weird surges of ideas and have this sudden passion to make something, but in that moment I'm working on one thing or on my way to class, so I just push it back in my mind to work on later. Advice?

DO NOT DO THAT.

I'm calling this "Honesty Hour" because I'm gonna be 100% honest with myself and the world in this post about whatever I'm feeling. So, honestly? Pushing back those ideas is just hurting them, because I know I'll never really get back to them. I push them back because I feel like I don't have enough time or enough talent to do them or finish them.

Okay, enough time? PLEASE. Talent? You have to work to get that talent! You can't be like the artists you look up to when you wake up one random day! And you won't complete anything if you never start anything.

Woah. There it is. My epiphany: You won't complete anything if you never start anything.

How true is that? And what great advice to remember, too? A really famous and inspirational person has probably already said that before, but I'm just gonna take the credit for this second because I feel like my brain just whipped that together in a moment of honesty to myself.

Another thing for Honesty Hour: I'm scared to start new things. Terrified! I want to do so many interesting and fun things, but you know what stops me? The thought that I'll be by myself, that I'll meet new people and have to introduce myself.

WHAT.

Like, seriously? As I read my true fear to myself, it sounds really ridiculous to me. You know how you get inspiration? NEW EXPERIENCES AND NEW PEOPLE.

I'm scared of failure before I even try. Now that is ridiculous: how do I know I'm going to fail before I even walk through the door? As I type this, I think of my old friend and how afraid she was to go and do new things. She finally threw herself into dance classes, even though she was one of the most awkward and stiffest people. You know what? She loved it so much, she ended up teaching people dancing. That is what you get when you start new things! YOU CAN SUCCEED.

I need to get past this irrational fear that I'll be bad at things and that everyone is going to tell me "No" or be mean. I CAN DO THESE THINGS. If someone tells me "No", fine! If I'm not good at something, okay! I can either try harder or find something I'm good at. There are so many things I want to do that I just need to get up and try.

Okay, super honesty moment: my newest obsession is slam poetry. I've been watching videos of all these inspirational poets and I just want to do that. I have this inner need to do it. And why am I not?

Maybe I feel like I'm not inspired enough to write "good" slam poetry. Maybe I feel like I won't be able to do it. Maybe, even, I'm a little scared.

Scared of what? And what constitutes as "good" slam poetry for me when I have yet to write anything?
You know what? Here we go. I am going to write a poem every day this week and post it.
I'm feeling fiery and fiesty and saucy and a little empowered right now, so I'm making this goal. Another honest moment: I make goals and rarely reach them. But I'm forcing myself to make this one. Because I'm gonna post that goal for the world to see and if I don't make it, I won't be able to just tell myself "Oh well, no one knew about it anyway," because people will. As soon as I push "publish", you'll know and I hope, whoever reads this, gets on me to post my slam poetry or whatever comes out of my brain this week. And you know what? Bring it on, world! Bring on that photojournalism project I have yet to do because I'm scared to talk to strangers! I'm gonna do it (okay, well I have to to pass, but now I have AMBITION). Bring on that slam poetry goal! Bring on swing dance and hoop classes I want to take! Bring on roller derby! Bring on dating! Bring on writing! Bring on creating!

BRING. IT. ON.

(Woah, honesty hour got really real for me there.)

xoxo