Horror Movie Month Night One: Texas Chainsaw Masacre

So, last night my friends and I rented the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I hadn't seen it in almost nine years, so I was pretty pumped. That is, until after I watched it and remembered why it had been nine years since I'd seen it. IT WAS HORRIFYING. I mean, that is the whole point of the film, to terrorize you into skipping trips into Texan territory (or am I the only one to get that feeling?), but COME ON. I sat there, with my belly full of happy little Halloween cookies in my newly decorated home, feeling all ooey gooey and pleased. That feeling stopped abruptly when that weird camera noise and the grotesque body came on the screen. Do you know what I'm talking about? That high-pitched noise that cuts through the air and right into the very core of you where you store all your warm, cuddly thoughts and makes them scurry off to hide? Oh, you don't? Well, HERE IT IS. Just listen to it in a dark, silent room.

Did you cry? Oh, then that's just me... Anyway, that's only just the beginning of the horrorfest. Remember that part when the hitchhiker cuts himself and keeps cackling? I didn't either, until my brain was introduced to that awful image again. And then you have creepy ol' Gramps whose drink of choice is BLOOD. I couldn't stop cringing back in disgust when he sucked Sally's finger dry, with his crinkled skin and awful noises. That entire scene just gave me the goosebumps...

But, of course, the most terrifying of all is dear old Leatherface. One: he's wearing a woman's face. Or a drag queen's, but either way it is THE FACE OF A PERSON. Fun fact: this movie is based on the serial killer Ed Gein. SO IT'S REAL. Well, partially, but back to our friend Leatherface. He's a silent killer, all for the occasional grunting and the whirr of his sidekick, his chainsaw. And let's not look past the fact that he can run like a linebacker all the while wielding that heavy chainsaw like it's a bouquet of flowers. Add a nice bloody apron and he's the perfect guy to take home to the parents. He can carve the hell out of a steak. Or your brother.

My brain was rescued from the depths of terror at the end, at least. When Sally hops in the pickup and drives off in a laughing frenzy, Leatherface does this cute little dance, twirling around with his chainsaw in the fading sunlight. Figure skaters, take note.

I literally typed in "Leatherface Dancing" and this golden nugget popped up. Oh, internet, you slay me. All in all, this movie, on a scale of one to a change-of-pants, it receives a definite on-the-edge-of-no-bladder-control. And then your bladder loses it at the sight of Leatherface's dance, srsly.

Well, the month long horror movie agenda has officially started, beginning with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Not sure what's on the agenda tonight, but I can guarantee it won't have a wonderful musical number in it like Leatherface's.

xoxo